KingLuscious.com

Sure. You think you’ve got the plan all figured out. You think it’s just that easy to kill yourself and no one would be the wiser. Well, think again friend. People could be on to you right now. Without the proper plan, people can see through you like so much see through underwear.

It may seem simple on the surface. Wait until everyone goes to work. Pick out your favorite rope. Give it exactly seven twists. Hang it from your clothes rod in your closet and kick the chair out from under your feet. Done.

Wrong.

How did you get to this point? What were the weeks and months leading up to this moment like? Did you give any indication to your “loved ones” about what your plans may hold? Of course you did. You made rookie mistakes that tipped them off weeks ago. They’ve been planning interventions and holding useless prayer vigils for you for weeks.

You haven’t been unconscious for more than a few minutes before concerned friends and family rushed into your room and clambored over each other to be the one that delivered you to the hospital. The end result, of course, is that you wake up in a room full of all the poeple you hoped to surprise with your departure and they all expect some sort of explanation. Not an envious position to be in.

Well, worry not friend. I’m here to help you plan this thing to perfection. With my help, no one, not even your most trusted friends, will know what’s coming in your future and you will be able to die in peace without worrying about waking up a couple hours later amidst the accusatory stares of holier than thou assholes.

Phase 1: The Decision

This may seem like the simplest part of the procedure, but more people fuck up here than you would think.

The trick about making the decision is that you have to do it in a way that doesn’t change your behavior. Suicide Prevention 101 states that if a depressed person suddenly starts acting happy and content then they have probably made the decision to end this failed experiment called life.

So, once you’ve made the decision to end your misery, simply don’t change your behavior.

I know, the temptation to say things like “it’ll all be alright now” and “finally, my suffering will come to a compassionate end” is very strong. But these are just the things the anti-suicide communists would like you to say. It’s how they ferret out free thinkers and visionaries.

Don’t, and I can’t stress this enough, DO NOT begin giving treasured possessions to good friends. This is a gigantic indicator that someone has decided to go through the change of life. People will be looking for this specific behavior and the minute you exhibit it they will ship you off to some psychiatrist who will lie through their teeth and tell you everything will be ok.

Simply make the decision in a dark, quiet room where you and the liquor are the only ones who know what’s going on. Don’t tell anyone of your plans and don’t change your behavior at all.

If you were acting depressed before, continue acting depressed. If you were putting on a facade of happiness, or at least acceptance, keep that up. No one must be the wiser, for the next step is equally as dangerous as the decision.

The writing of the Note.

I will weigh in on this topic at a later time. Stay tuned to this particular website and I will show you how to follow through with this decision without arousing suspicion in anyone.

That is, of course, unless I mysteriously stop posting soon.

-kingluscious

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 25th, 2007 at 2:16 am and is filed under Who Cares. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.