Candy
Candy Is Dandy
07/12/2006 |
Permalink
Hey kids, who loves candy? Nerds. Fun-Dip. Gummy
Savers. All those are great. But, you know what boys
and girls, I'm here to tell you about what may be the
best candy of all.
What do you do when you have something you don't want anyone else to have? Huh kids? That's right, you hide it. Grown ups do the same thing. And grown ups have a very special hiding place for their candy.
They hide it behind the mirror in the bathroom.
Pretty sneaky huh kids?
Well, all you have to do is climb onto the counter and put your tiny fingers behind the mirror and pull it open. If you're not strong enough to pull it open, find a pair of scissors or a knife to pry it open.
The best candy is in little orange bottles behind the mirror. Trust me kids, these bottles are very hard to open. Those mean old grown ups try to keep kids from getting at the candy. They're always trying to stop you from having fun. But good old uncle KingLuscious is here to help.
Push down on the top of the bottle while turning. That will let you get to the sweet treats hidden inside.
These candies don't have cool sounding names like the ones you cry for at the supermarket. The grown ups try to confuse you kids by giving their candy really long names that no one can pronounce. Here's a little trick though, just count the number of letters in the name. The more letters the name has, the sweeter the candy is.
Remember when I said these candies would be best of them all? Well, this is because the candy is not only sweet, but it makes you feel all funny. Imagine hearing colors and smelling sounds. That sounds fun doesn't it kids?
You bet your tiny smooth asses it sounds fun.
Here's one more tip from your sweet old uncle. If you get into the candy store behind the mirror and there isn't anything in there that makes you feel all tingly, even after you swallow 20 or 30 pieces, you can always look in your mommy's purse.
Mommy's like to hide good stuff there too.
When mommy puts you to bed, just pretend. Make fake snoring noises and fondle yourself gently, just like you do when you're really asleep. Then, after a few minutes, go back into your mommy's bedroom. She will have already eaten some candy from her purse and be drooling all over her nightshirt.
Open mommy's purse and start looking inside. Look for those same orange bottles from the candy cabinet in the bathroom. Although, sneaky mommy's might not keep the candy in their purse in those same kinds of orange bottles. So, open every bottle.
If the candy looks like this:
Its called Valium and its really good. Notice there's a "V" right there in the candy. Isn't that neat kids?
If it looks like this:
Its called Ecstasy. And look boys and girls, its got a happy face on it.
You know it has to be fun!!!!
-Uncle KingLuscious
What do you do when you have something you don't want anyone else to have? Huh kids? That's right, you hide it. Grown ups do the same thing. And grown ups have a very special hiding place for their candy.
They hide it behind the mirror in the bathroom.
Pretty sneaky huh kids?
Well, all you have to do is climb onto the counter and put your tiny fingers behind the mirror and pull it open. If you're not strong enough to pull it open, find a pair of scissors or a knife to pry it open.
The best candy is in little orange bottles behind the mirror. Trust me kids, these bottles are very hard to open. Those mean old grown ups try to keep kids from getting at the candy. They're always trying to stop you from having fun. But good old uncle KingLuscious is here to help.
Push down on the top of the bottle while turning. That will let you get to the sweet treats hidden inside.
These candies don't have cool sounding names like the ones you cry for at the supermarket. The grown ups try to confuse you kids by giving their candy really long names that no one can pronounce. Here's a little trick though, just count the number of letters in the name. The more letters the name has, the sweeter the candy is.
Remember when I said these candies would be best of them all? Well, this is because the candy is not only sweet, but it makes you feel all funny. Imagine hearing colors and smelling sounds. That sounds fun doesn't it kids?
You bet your tiny smooth asses it sounds fun.
Here's one more tip from your sweet old uncle. If you get into the candy store behind the mirror and there isn't anything in there that makes you feel all tingly, even after you swallow 20 or 30 pieces, you can always look in your mommy's purse.
Mommy's like to hide good stuff there too.
When mommy puts you to bed, just pretend. Make fake snoring noises and fondle yourself gently, just like you do when you're really asleep. Then, after a few minutes, go back into your mommy's bedroom. She will have already eaten some candy from her purse and be drooling all over her nightshirt.
Open mommy's purse and start looking inside. Look for those same orange bottles from the candy cabinet in the bathroom. Although, sneaky mommy's might not keep the candy in their purse in those same kinds of orange bottles. So, open every bottle.
If the candy looks like this:
Its called Valium and its really good. Notice there's a "V" right there in the candy. Isn't that neat kids?
If it looks like this:
Its called Ecstasy. And look boys and girls, its got a happy face on it.
You know it has to be fun!!!!
-Uncle KingLuscious
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