Holidays
Mommy's Special Day
05/20/2007 |
Permalink
If you're anything like me kids, and I know you are,
except you have smaller naughty bits than I do and I
think that's just precious 
, then you've been thinking about
this special day for weeks, months, or shucks, I
don't know, maybe even years.
That's right. It's almost that time of year again. The time when we come together to commemorate the anniversary of mommy taking her own life.
This can be a confusing time of year for you young ones. I know it was confusing as heck for me. So that's why I'm going to share some words of wisdom to help you understand what this means to you.
First, let me put your biggest fear to rest and say that yes, it is your fault. It's ok to blame youself, because that's what your widower of a father is doing right now. Who knows, maybe your mutual blame and loathing for you can bridge the infinite gulf you've opened up in your family by driving your mommy to the most desperate of actions.
I know what you're thinking. You think that just because your mommy killed herself you won't be able to live a normal and happy life. Well of course you won't kids. That's just common sense. However, I can teach you some of the defense mechanisms I've learned over the years. These tiny victories, when strung together over months and years, can help you climb out of your bunk bed just one more time to face at least one more in an unrelenting string of unbearable days.
Initially, you're going to want to reach out to anyone who will show you compassion or love. This is a mistake kids. Remember, you thought your mommy loved you and look how that ended up. No, you're going to want to withdraw into yourselves. Keep all of your pain bottled up inside where it can do the most damage. After all, it's your fault, so you deserve it.
If you do end up in a relationship somehow (oh I know, girls are icky and boys are gross, this is advice for down the road), remember to use the pain and guilt you've internalized for so long as a reminder that everyone, this new girl (or boy) included, will leave you in the most painful way imaginable. So go ahead and start sabotaging the relationship's chances through the cunning use of physical overbearance and emotional distance. Two great tastes that go great together.
This next coping mechanism is a bit advanced for my young readers, as well as illegal. But you know what Uncle KingLuscious says, just big fat do it anyway. Drink.
No. Not milk or juice you silly goose. Liquor.
I bet daddy has some. Haven't you ever wondered why he goes to sleep right after he finishes his weird smelling brown drink? Well, it's because liquor makes you feel good.
If daddy doesn't have any, you can go down to the corner store. You know the one, it says "Package Store" on the front. Package is just a grown up word that means happy. Just like prostitute or heroin. But those are for later kids. Right now stick with the liquor.
I know you don't have any money and you can't just walk into the store and buy some happy drink. But its loser talk like that that helped your mom pop that last pill. So let's think outside the box here for a minute.
See that man slumped against the side of the store. The one with all the matted facial hair. We'll call him Santa Clause. I bet if you asked Santa real nice and sat in his lap in the alley, he'd be happy to buy you whatever you wanted from the store.
Mix your new happy drink with some juice and put it in your sippy cup. With your low body weight it won't take long for you start feeling just fine.
Keep in mind though, kids, that this is only a temporary solution. You will have to buy more liquor to feel good again. And you will have to do this over and over until the sweet embrace of liver failure ends your pain forever.
So take this advice to heart little boys and little girls. Then you'll be able to live a long and worthless life just like Uncle KingLuscious.
, then you've been thinking about
this special day for weeks, months, or shucks, I
don't know, maybe even years.
That's right. It's almost that time of year again. The time when we come together to commemorate the anniversary of mommy taking her own life.
This can be a confusing time of year for you young ones. I know it was confusing as heck for me. So that's why I'm going to share some words of wisdom to help you understand what this means to you.
First, let me put your biggest fear to rest and say that yes, it is your fault. It's ok to blame youself, because that's what your widower of a father is doing right now. Who knows, maybe your mutual blame and loathing for you can bridge the infinite gulf you've opened up in your family by driving your mommy to the most desperate of actions.
I know what you're thinking. You think that just because your mommy killed herself you won't be able to live a normal and happy life. Well of course you won't kids. That's just common sense. However, I can teach you some of the defense mechanisms I've learned over the years. These tiny victories, when strung together over months and years, can help you climb out of your bunk bed just one more time to face at least one more in an unrelenting string of unbearable days.
Initially, you're going to want to reach out to anyone who will show you compassion or love. This is a mistake kids. Remember, you thought your mommy loved you and look how that ended up. No, you're going to want to withdraw into yourselves. Keep all of your pain bottled up inside where it can do the most damage. After all, it's your fault, so you deserve it.
If you do end up in a relationship somehow (oh I know, girls are icky and boys are gross, this is advice for down the road), remember to use the pain and guilt you've internalized for so long as a reminder that everyone, this new girl (or boy) included, will leave you in the most painful way imaginable. So go ahead and start sabotaging the relationship's chances through the cunning use of physical overbearance and emotional distance. Two great tastes that go great together.
This next coping mechanism is a bit advanced for my young readers, as well as illegal. But you know what Uncle KingLuscious says, just big fat do it anyway. Drink.
No. Not milk or juice you silly goose. Liquor.
I bet daddy has some. Haven't you ever wondered why he goes to sleep right after he finishes his weird smelling brown drink? Well, it's because liquor makes you feel good.
If daddy doesn't have any, you can go down to the corner store. You know the one, it says "Package Store" on the front. Package is just a grown up word that means happy. Just like prostitute or heroin. But those are for later kids. Right now stick with the liquor.
I know you don't have any money and you can't just walk into the store and buy some happy drink. But its loser talk like that that helped your mom pop that last pill. So let's think outside the box here for a minute.
See that man slumped against the side of the store. The one with all the matted facial hair. We'll call him Santa Clause. I bet if you asked Santa real nice and sat in his lap in the alley, he'd be happy to buy you whatever you wanted from the store.
Mix your new happy drink with some juice and put it in your sippy cup. With your low body weight it won't take long for you start feeling just fine.
Keep in mind though, kids, that this is only a temporary solution. You will have to buy more liquor to feel good again. And you will have to do this over and over until the sweet embrace of liver failure ends your pain forever.
So take this advice to heart little boys and little girls. Then you'll be able to live a long and worthless life just like Uncle KingLuscious.
|