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<title>KLKids Korner RSS</title><link>http://www.kingluscious.com/klkids/index.html</link><description>Thinking of the Children</description><dc:language>en</dc:language><dc:creator>kingluscious@gmail.com</dc:creator><dc:rights>Copyright KingLuscious</dc:rights><dc:date>2007-05-20T20:08:49-04:00</dc:date><admin:generatorAgent rdf:resource="http://www.realmacsoftware.com/" />
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<lastBuildDate>Sun, 20 May 2007 20:33:48 -0400</lastBuildDate><item><title>Mommy&#x27;s Special Day</title><dc:creator>kingluscious@gmail.com</dc:creator><category>Holidays</category><dc:date>2007-05-20T20:08:49-04:00</dc:date><link>http://www.kingluscious.com/klkids/files/394714bd2afa6497bb3ac86d4ead9234-7.html#unique-entry-id-7</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.kingluscious.com/klkids/files/394714bd2afa6497bb3ac86d4ead9234-7.html#unique-entry-id-7</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[If you're anything like me kids, and I know you are, except you have smaller naughty bits than I do and I think that's just precious :), then you've been thinking about this special day for weeks, months, or shucks, I don't know, maybe even years.

...This can be a confusing time of year for you young ones....  So that's why I'm going to share some words of wisdom to help you understand what this means to you.

First, let me put your biggest fear to rest and say that yes, it is your fault.  It's ok to blame youself, because that's what your widower of a father is doing right now.  Who knows, maybe your mutual blame and loathing for you can bridge the infinite gulf you've opened up in your family by driving your mommy to the most desperate of actions.

...You think that just because your mommy killed herself you won't be able to live a normal and happy life....  However, I can teach you some of the defense mechanisms I've learned over the years.  These tiny victories, when strung together over months and years, can help you climb out of your bunk bed just one more time to face at least one more in an unrelenting string of unbearable days.

...Keep all of your pain bottled up inside where it can do the most damage.

...If you do end up in a relationship somehow (oh I know, girls are icky and boys are gross, this is advice for down the road), remember to use the pain and guilt you've internalized for so long as a reminder that everyone, this new girl (or boy) included, will leave you in the most painful way imaginable.  So go ahead and start sabotaging the relationship's chances through the cunning use of physical overbearance and emotional distance.

...Haven't you ever wondered why he goes to sleep right after he finishes his weird smelling brown drink?

...If daddy doesn't have any, you can go down to the corner store.

...I know you don't have any money and you can't just walk into the store and buy some happy drink.

...I bet if you asked Santa real nice and sat in his lap in the alley, he'd be happy to buy you whatever you wanted from the store.

Mix your new happy drink with some juice and put it in your sippy cup.  With your low body weight it won't take long for you start feeling just fine.

...And you will have to do this over and over until the sweet embrace of liver failure ends your pain forever.

...Then you'll be able to live a long and worthless life just like Uncle KingLuscious.]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Keepin&#x27; Down The Urges.</title><dc:creator>kingluscious@gmail.com</dc:creator><category>Teachatorium</category><dc:date>2007-05-06T23:35:57-04:00</dc:date><link>http://www.kingluscious.com/klkids/files/bd7fe0f2c3a4b128b0810f389060a1f0-6.html#unique-entry-id-6</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.kingluscious.com/klkids/files/bd7fe0f2c3a4b128b0810f389060a1f0-6.html#unique-entry-id-6</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Have you ever played doctor with your friends?  Of course you have, I've watched you.  But what I watch and record for my own personal enjoyment without your knowledge isn't the focus of this message.  The focus is, however, the way you feel when you play doctor.  Which, based on your facial expressions, which I've studied closely, is the same way I feel while watching you play doctor.

What you may not know kids, is that playing doctor, especially in full view of an uncle, is not appropriate behavior according to law enforcement and mental health professionals.  What these "professionals" don't understand is that these urges aren't a bad thing.  And in my case, aren't even controllable.

So, what you have to do as responsible young children is to pretend you don't have them.  If you feel like you might want to play doctor with that new boy down the street with the strawberry blond hair and soul piercing blue eyes, you should immediately come to me and tell me all the things you want to do to him.  Tell me very slowly and don't leave out any of the details.  This way, you'll realize it's probably not something you really want to do.  I'll even record you telling me about it and if you feel like you may want to do it at some later date, you can come over to my place and we can turn the lights down low and watch it together.

...That's good for the short term. But to become a fully functional and well adjusted adult, like me, you're going to need some pretty strong coping mechanisms.  First of all, realize that you cannot deny the natural urges you feel in your heart and crotch....  You have to learn to embrace them, but only in private.

So, whenever you feel an urge to do something unimaginably erotic with a young and bendy friend, go to your room, turn the lights down really low and make sure you are all alone with absolutely no adults anywhere around.  Then, walk slowly and sensuously to your window and open it because I'll be in the bushes outside.

...We can share a beautiful series of moments together....  So private, in fact, that you can't tell anyone about it.]]></content:encoded></item></channel>
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